Hello!

OK. I have been a total Blog failure.. As you can see my first post was quite awhile ago.. Since I have a problem with follow through I am committing myself, rain or shine, stubbed toe to grand enlightenment to post something everyday.

Per my OG post, I was struggling with drug abuse.. shit, what’s new? I always will be, right? Today I am chemically sober.. Woo Hoo.. On February 8th I got home from a 3-day escape mission.. I was off getting high, and spending every last nickel of my friggen unemployment check on a slot machine that made me her bitch. As I crawled up the hill in my lil Toyota Camry, a lump grew stronger in my throat, my foot hit for the accelorator faster, my soul came out thru my drug induced haze to smack myself over the head..”What the fuck are you doing?” My soul self screamed to the wasted blond in the drivers seat. As cliche as it sounds I had an out of body smack down.. My 30th birthday was a month behind me. I had promised myself months before that dreadful day appeared that I would never take a hit of a pipe or down another pill cuz 30 is like .. really what the fuck .. time to grow up.. As that day passed I fed the addiction more to try and escape the fact that even though I may be uniquely talented and smart and pretty, I was also uniquely being a big fat fuck up… The stubborn bitch within me and the lil douchbag bopping me on the head decided enough was enough.. I quickly did my 3 point turn and parked my car at the usual place; this time, I wasn’t in my usual state, and neither was that sunrise; full of crimsons and blue shadows of dawn. I whipped out my best friend (my iphone 4s), tears streaming down my face, mascara and clumped eyeliner raced to my neck.. well at least I looked the part now of the junkie.. I wrote this

A breath away from being hallow

A dosage away from no more sorrow

An empty bed, a lonely heart, a restless sabatour 

What will become of her?

Stay tuned

This is exactly how I looked when I had my "aha" moment. ::As If::