Hello, my name is Anita and I’m addicted to being a living pin cushion.
My face and eyes hurt looking at this nut. Who thinks this looks attractive? I bet her dance card has a wait list. How could you date a person that stabs you in the eye or gives you a new piercing each time u kiss em?
Better her than me!
To add to my sleeping problems, I’ve started sleepwalking. I know I need exercise but this is a lousy way to getting a walk in. Last night I could’ve blown the house up. Apparently, I wanted a midnight snack. Through it in the microwave. I woke up as the microwave was popping and the minutes were ticking down. I stopped it at 1:13. I grabbed the bowl and burned my hands. How long was I microwaving a bowl of 7 crackers? God only knows. I’m thinking of putting some baby gates on at the kitchen doorway. Last week I ruined my moms calcium pills because I wanted a glass of milk and in a haze poured myself a nice glass into her pill bottle. I woke up before I got a sip of that.
This all is very maddening. Either I cant sleep or I’m causing potential health hazards by roaming the house in a deep sleep. This has never happened to me before. Any advice?
So while I got a little bit of shut eye I had the craziest dream. If anyone is good at deciphering dreams please let me know what this one means.
Ok, so all of a sudden, in my dream, I’m 9 months pregnant and in labor with my old dope mans baby (I never slept with my dope man) I am totally pissed off about this whole thing in my dream and am wondering why I didn’t take the morning after pill and let it get this outa hand. I keep telling my mom I’m putting the baby up for adoption. She’s mad at me about it (I’m very maternal by nature even tho I don’t have kids I can’t forsee I would put anything up for adoption). After the baby’s born it looks just like the dope man and I can’t stand the baby. I can’t seem to bond with it. My mom keeps looking at the positive attributes the baby has to convince me I actually love it. I hate it. Next scene there’s a fire in my sister’s apartment, yet I live dangerously close to her apt unit (my sister and I have been drug buddies before and I think she’s still using)
I can kinda see what the sister/fire dream is about. I’m afraid to be around her influence? I dunno
The dopeman / baby dream – well the only thing I can think of is even tho I’ve embarked on this new journey I will be reminded daily of the struggle – hence the baby looking just like him?
Any thoughts?
Thanks.
Xoxoxo
Another restless night! I’m going batty! I hate bats. One of my many phobias. Trying to go back to sleep now all I see are bats instead of sheep. 😥
If you have have one of those days where you want to pull your hair out cuz your kids, spouse or imaginary friends are driving you bonkers, take a look at this broad and you may think twice about inflicting a clown wig upon yourself. Oh yeah they have a name for This psychological condition; trichotillomania
Treatments for trichotillomania may include behavior therapy, and antidepressants may be used to alleviate co-existing symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Tomorrow I am going to start writing more about myself .. I think ill start with where my journey began; my journey to crack motels and strange bedfellows and stop making fun of others plight. Well I still might make fun of others and after tomorrow you can make fun of me.. I think I have 2 readers now. I am so awesome!!
For $100,000 you too could look like a supermodel cat. I better get a savings account with a higher interest rate. Im trying to set goals people.. Sue me!
It’s a monkey, no it’s a cat, no it’s .. A girl with Tanorexia! It must be awful to wear one’s addiction like a badge of honor. Even at my worst, I still looked like the girl next door who loans you sugar or walks your dog when you take a vacation. It’s obvious this girl needs serious help -yesterday! I wonder which as a higher chance of recovery, the girl with the addiction that the average joe can’t spot or the one screaming for help?
Someone get this girl under a shade tree!!
I wrote about this in my diary exactly one year ago..when I was still heavily using. The following situation I encountered changed my life forever
As I departed from that run down crack motel room where an innocent babygirl lay asleep on a couch with her addicted mother.. A jacket .. The only baby blanket she’d ever known covering them Both …that picture eternally etched in my soul .. this cant have been for nothing .. All the time ive abandoned in fantasy land .. Cant be wasted on a life without purpose .. But I wasn’t just thinking for me.. I felt this strength and confidence .. A flood of reality in the depths of anything but.. .. Truth is I want to make my mark on the world .. For the struggle ..The permanent wounds.. The daily battle .. cannot have just been for fun..
I know I said I’d post an entry daily. I’ll expand on this post further tomorrow. Im 3 yawns away from REM status.. I would like to discuss how feelings, good, bad and indifferent flood to the
Forefront during “recovery” .. I hate that word I’m too tired to think of a different one. When I’m getting high I hardly think of my ex boyfriend. Pipe goes down and it’s all I can think about. I’m sure obsession is a transference.. Not to mention the authenticity of emotion when sobriety is a reality and not a birthday wish. Yawn yawn yawn. More
Tomorrow.
Just when I wanna throw in the towel .. I see this rather whale like, yet tenderly sweet woman sitting next to a gigantore plate of 3 dozen cookies..Where I would kick myself for having 1.. she can’t put them down.. I’m sure she’d roll her eyes when  at the peak of my destruction  I consumed 3 dozen pills a day.. As much as I wanna roll on the floor laughing.. I am no better than her and vice versa.. although we all need a belly laugh every now and then (no pun intended)
The woman is Lisa Sellers, once featured in a TLC episode called I eat 33,000 Calories a Day.
whatsherbox 