I know we are all a product of our past and choices we’ve made. I, for one have to deal with the fact that at 30 I have wasted big chunks of time on exchanging building a productive future to drug abuse and at times running from my past. There are times though when I find myself having a death grip on certain items from my past. Just the simplest act of going through my wardrobe and deciding which clothes to give away to the Goodwill .. There are items I simply can’t part with.. Why? One such item I haven’t been able to let go of the last 5 times I’ve triffled through my wardrobe  is a shirt dress I bought in New York in 2005 that I bought when I weighed 80 pounds.. It’s very last season and will never fit me again.. (hopefully) It even has a slightly visible yellow stain towards the collar.. yet I can’t let it go for the memories that are attached to it are memories I suppose I can’t and don’t want to get rid of.

In 2005 I was almost at my rock bottom, I was strung out on speed and pills.. I was living with a sociopathic, porn star,  cross dressing prostitute who persuaded me (to put it nicely) into the world of prostitution. We took a trip to New York and Boston together for 3 weeks during the summer of 2005.. There isn’t one bad memory I have from that trip, even though this person, today, I would classify as one step away from the devil for he has done things like rat on me to the police for his drugs, or stolen money and conned me so many times..I can’t let go of the connection we shared. Even though I know now that he has no capacity to love anyone or treat anyone, much less a best friend, like anything less than a possession or  pon in his game of life.. I struggle to erase all of the memories.. For now, I will keep the happy ones, not forget the bad, and keep the stained dress.. Maybe next year I will be able to throw it away.

I guess for now I will start with something more simple like erasing my DVR recordings.

Does anyone have someone from their past where even though the outcome is all bad it is hard to part with mementos from it?